Moments with Bob Oliver, Family, and Friends
By Tim Hall
✦ The occasion: wake and funeral for Bob Oliver, New Haven, CT, 9/12-13/2025. Bob and I roomed together all four years at Yale, starting in a double in 98 Welch Hall, next door to Bob Breault and Ward Watt, and then for three years in Branford with Scott Barksdale, Bob Barnes, and Bob Breault. We would often refer to ourselves as “Barksdale, Barnes, Breault, Hall and Oliver, perhaps preparing Oliver for life in a law firm. Accordingly, Oliver later adopted the moniker among us as, “And Oliver.” There were three “Bobs:” Oliver, Barnes, and Breault hence “And Oliver.” Breault became The BRO. That became relevant at Bob’s wake.
I have become very aware, especially as we have become more senior, that as an only child, I have come to see Bob (along with Bob Breault) as a brother. We were in each other’s weddings and have been part of important life events, such as Bob’s retirement from the Navy and my retirement from Boston University. Breault and I would probably not have seen many Yale-Harvard hockey games or Red Sox games were it not for Bob. When Bob and Barb had their big old house near The Bowl, our family would stay there for all of the events around The Game. And it has pleased me in the last few days to hear from my kids and Bob’s kids that they all feel like family with one another, as well.
As The BRO/Breault had family living in Naugatuck, Connecticut, he would party at the Olivers’ for the UCONN-Yale game also. Bob’s wife Judi was a UCONN cheerleader and Bob’s younger brother, George, was the student football manager.
For Bob’s wake and funeral, we finally got to our hotel after a long rush-hour drive, changed our clothes, and got to the funeral home, frazzled but in plenty of time for good visits – and feeling anxious about the situation. I’m not good at funerals.
✦ As I got out of the car in the funeral home parking lot, I looked over at the car pulling up next to ours and saw Larry Lipsher and Lainey getting out of theirs. Larry and I had both been in Branford, and seeing an old friend in that moment made all the difference to me; I felt my blood pressure drop thirty points! Marcy and I had a nice chat with them and walked into the funeral home together and talked some more. I took this as a good omen — which it turned out to be!
✦ Inside the funeral home, we were greeted by Bob’s granddaughter Maeve (Rob’s daughter), tall, blonde, and very much an Oliver-Cooney offspring. But I mistook Maeve for Olivia, Katy’s daughter, also tall and blonde. Then we were welcomed by Katy, Bob’s daughter and Olivia’s mom, who was greeting visitors throughout the gathering, making everyone feel at home and part of the family, a mix of huge smiles, laughs, and tears. The same calming, welcoming influence was true for the presence of Rob and Patrick – and how they made themselves available to so many of us who were sharing feelings, memories, thoughts about Bob… that’s a lot of emotional work!
✦ And as I took in the scene and saw all of the grandkids, who had congregated in a separate room at the end of the hall, I realized that they all had that unmistakable Oliver-Cooney look. Right there, I could see evidence of Bob’s legacy!
✦ Then we were greeted by a smiling Bob Breault, very comfortably leaning back in a chair, sharing a story with another guest. BRO’s jacket had medals running all the way down each lapel. He immediately launched some other tales, focusing on various pranks played during those “bright college years.”
✦ The whole first floor of the funeral home was dedicated to Bob’s wake. (I have been to very few Catholic wakes and funerals, so I don’t know if this is the norm or not.) I was not looking forward to seeing Bob in the open casket there, but he did look good, dapper as usual, just missing the Panama hat, and with a U.S. flag covering the lower part of the casket. A fairly long wait to get through the line to pay respects to Bob and be greeted by sons Rob and Patrick, and Rob’s wife Adrienne. There was a big crowd there. Lots of time-sharing stories with Bro. There were several large floral displays. One beautiful arrangement was from the Class of ’62 (thank you to John Stewart and Jolly and Jean for arranging that!).
✦ Bro later shared the information that for the wake he stayed at his sister’s home in Naugatuck. Thanks to GPS, he showed up early for the wake and the funeral. He parked right in front of the entrance of the Funeral parlor for the wake. That was convenient, especially since Breault is not as nimble as he used to be. Being one of the first was a pleasure and as he walked by the coffin, he reached out and touched Bob and said a short mental greeting. He got a sudden sensation. He noted that in 1995 he had had a minor life-after-death experience, so he knows what it’s like. He got the impression/sensation that Oliver said to him “Hey, The BRO is here. Thanks for coming.” Breault told Rob and Katy at the time, and he told me when he arrived that it was an awesome thing that Bob Oliver was there with us. I think Rob Oliver understood that it was the handle that his dad used for him (“The BRO”). Being one of the first at the wake, the family invited BRO to sit with them as part of the family. “So, a brother I was,” he reflected later.
✦ One of the most striking features of the wake was the display of photographs. One of the visiting rooms, full of chairs, had bulletin boards fully covered by prints covering all ages and contexts of Bob’s life, from young childhood to 2025. A very special one was a very young Bob, dressed up in his sailor suit, in between his father, a Navy Captain, and his grandfather. There were several large poster-sized pictures and portraits, my favorite being one of Bob and Barb hugging. (This was doubly poignant as Barb’s health prevented her from being present.) But best of all was a video loop of all of these pictures on monitors in both of the main visiting rooms. People would often take time from their visiting to sit down and just enjoy the video display.
Few knew that Bob Oliver was an eyewitness to the start of the USA’s involvement in WW II. His dad was a Navy officer (rose to the rank of Captain) stationed in Hawaii – and fortunately was the commander of one of the few US Naval vessels that was out to sea when Honolulu was attacked. Bob was just a year and a half old, but he remembered the Japanese planes flying low not far from where he stood.
Young Bob with his father and grandfather
✦ Another thing that was very comforting to me was having my two older kids there, Chip and Elizabeth, who have known Bob the longest and on more family occasions. Bob is Chip’s godfather, a fact that Oliver would never fail to mention at family gatherings and point out how dedicated he has been to faithfully carry out his policy of “benign neglect” in implementing this role.
✦ Liz told me later that she was in tears when I sent them both an early heads-up about Bob’s declining condition and his entering hospice. The fact that they hastily rearranged their busy schedules to be there meant a lot to me, especially when I realized that they were doing it for themselves, not just for me. It was very calming to be with them and to see them reminiscing with Katy, Rob, and Patrick, as well as Bro, and meeting new people, and sharing Oliver experiences.
✦ After the wake wound down, long after the posted closing time, since the funeral home was on Wooster Square, Marcy, Liz, Scott, and Chip all walked over to Pepe’s, continuing the magic of Pepe’s – across all those years! And the lingering glow and conversation made the waiting time fly by. Then we toasted Bob and Barb, enjoying the most wonderful thin, crispy crust pizzas we’d had in ages.
✦ We stayed at the new (for us) hotel, The Study at Yale, which was just what we needed: small, cozy, friendly, and full of Blue. It even had the Yale Alumni Magazine on the bedside table. It seemed a bit thin to me, and then I realized it was something I had never seen before in all these years of reading YAM, an edition with no Alumni Notes!
✦ Saturday morning, with bright sun, warm breezes, and bright blue sky, at 10 AM, the funeral was at St. Michaels Church, just a few steps down the street from the funeral home. We sat with Bro at the back of the church with son Chip, as he was going to have to leave early to catch a flight, back to the Vineyard, where he was entertaining a bunch of his old middle school buddies. I was silently appreciative of the way he also, like his godfather Bob, maintains ties with long-time mates.
✦ In fact, another old school chum of Chip’s suddenly appeared in the back of the church, spotted Chip, and came over and sat with us for the service. His friend is Spencer Luckey, who had played hockey with Chip at Northfield Mount Hermon. Early in their relationship as they were getting to know each other, they realized that both of their dads had gone to Yale. And then they realized to their delights that their dads were in the same class. Spencer’s dad was Tom Luckey, who was a member of the Class of 1962, was from New Haven, and had been a great friend of Bob’s.
✦ As the ceremony began, I was so happy we were toward the back, because that’s where the casket stopped on its way into the church, as the priest greeted the family, who were all lined up together, with Rob, Katy, and Patrick and spouses first, then same-generation cousins, followed by grandchildren and all of their cousins. It was a beautiful image, all these big, middle-sized, and little Olivers and Cooneys. I would give anything for a picture of that, but it seemed to be a camera-free zone. But I’ll forever be able to carry it in my mind’s eye.
✦ The opening welcome and eulogy by Rob were rich, wide-ranging, and from the heart. I can’t do it justice here, but perhaps we might be able to post that separately. We were grateful that the priests allowed for this kind of detailed personal sharing from Bob’s son. Rob was very profuse and generous in his mentions of his Dad’s love for Yale and our Class as cornerstones of his life.
✦ Other members of the family did readings throughout the service, and both priests were very generous in their descriptions of their own experiences with Bob and his many service contributions to the Church.
✦ The service concluded with a stirring rendition of the Navy Hymn, as the flag-draped coffin was taken out of the church, down the steps to the sidewalk. Then there was a moving ceremony with a rifle salute, the playing of taps, and a moving ceremony of removing and folding the flag and presenting it to the family, by two uniformed Navy crewmen.
✦ One of the high points of the day for me was meeting Bill Rees, a friend of Bob’s from way back, very close to Bob, and someone who has been extremely loyal and helpful to Bob in recent years. Bill was a member of the Yale Class of 1956, and they first bonded through New Haven politics, where they were both aldermen in the 1960s. In fact, when Bill retired from politics, Bob ran for his seat and served there for several years, after which he went on to the State Assembly, where he served three terms, winning by over 70% margins every time. Bill has been regularly active with the Communication Team for the ‘56s, and we had a wonderful time comparing notes. I hope to include him in some of our ’62 activities at some point in the future. He is a good friend of Bill Porvuu, another ’56, and helped him develop plans for what is now the Porvuu Center for Teaching and Learning at Yale. (Coincidentally, we are having a Coffee Hour this November with Jennifer Frederick, who is the Executive Director of that Center and will be discussing their program to assist faculty in using A.I. to enhance their teaching.)
✦ Following the funeral, we were all invited to a gathering at the Elm City Club, which had been the Yale Faculty Club in our day. That was a wonderful opportunity for further conversations and more Oliver stories. Marcy and I had a delightful lunch there with Bill Rees and his lovely wife Joanne. It was very satisfying to be with someone whose love and life with Bob was as deep as mine and to learn still more about Bob’s experiences.
✦ We also had a nice chat with Jim and Mary Rita Killelea, later joined by Bob Breault. I hadn’t seen them in a long time. Jim was a close friend and frequent visitor to Bob. It was also good to spend more time with Rob and Katy and Patrick at various points, as well as some of their kids.
✦ The whole experience was incredibly rich, and Marcy and I both shared the same dominant feeling from the events of the two days: heightened awareness of our deep connections with Bob and the Oliver family and with our other Yale friends, old and new. As we headed back to Boston on I-91 we were appreciating the drive home as a way to share the different conversations we had had and to bask in the glow of the memories.
✦ And, to add icing to the cake, we received a package a few days later from Rob: the 6Y2 blue stadium blanket that kept Bob and Barb warm as they rooted for Old Eli.
✦ P.S. A day or so after we posted these memories of Bob, his son Rob sent us this amazing photo you see directly above these words. Tim replied to Rob: “Thanks for this — a great artifact! It never needed to be used, though, as this was for a rain date. In fact, it was a beautiful day, and the event was held outdoors on the Old Campus, where all the freshman dorms are. One of the honorary degree recipients and our main commencement speaker was John F. Kennedy. It would have felt totally different in Ingalls!”